that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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