Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
