oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
