I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
