yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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