When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
