Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
