After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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