Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
