I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
