Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
