I wish I only lived at night.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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