After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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