So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
