3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
