Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
