I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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