You're completely useless in the revolution.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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