gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
