I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
