You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
