Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
