so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
