i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
