I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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