my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
