Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
