I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
