Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
