She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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