I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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