Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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