Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
