it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
