like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
