What did we do last night that was yellow?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
