The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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