I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish my penis had a tongue
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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