how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
