i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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