You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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