It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
