i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
