the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
