I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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