I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
