using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
