last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
