Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
