i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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