so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
